Life. It [Continues]

Theoretically, I should be a morning person.
I should be that guy who - in the ass crack of dawn - looks down the bright trousers of the rising sun, sees that moon drifting away, and goes yes. Yes. I feel good. Bring it on.
Baby, bring it out!
I am ready to live the day.
I am hiking up my shorts and I am sniffing the breeze.
I am watching pretty birds and I am feeling dew on my nostrils.
Baby bring it on. I love life!
Oh happy day.

And that's about when I smell my armpits and scratch my frizzled head and unsuction my earlobes from the drool on my pillow. Usually, a snort or two is released and a booger or two falls to the floor before I drop my feet to the carpet and rise to a half crippled stand, holding my back and twitching my eyes fives times in the mirror until my contacts work their way in.

The sun barely makes it into my room. I stumble around in darkness and put on the clothes that I laid out for myself the night before - fully anticipating my state of misery at the ungodly hour I'm faced with. I envision myself sprawling out where I stand and laying spread eagle under my ceiling fan until the sun decides to work its way backwards and replace itself with a moon and some stars. But that never happens.
And I never actually give in to the temptation.

I like to suck it up. Be a man. Take the day and balance it on the peak of my left bulging arm muscle so it knows who's boss.

The shower I clamp down to the right arm. It's the bigger of the two muscles so it is absolutely necessary that I square off with the shower using my right arm. I have to use all the muscle power and energy I can muster to haul my body into that death chamber.
The water comes down all hot and comforting and it's saying, "you know you like me. you know you want me. I'm your friend."
But the water is not your friend. In the morning, people are meant to be sleeping. Not showering. I don't care what anybody says. No matter how right and natural it is to shower in the morning, it's just not the way things were meant to be.

Sleep.
That's the only answer.
That's the way things were meant to be.

Sure. Sure. Say it. "KID, you're gonna sleep your life away! Heavens, how can you be so bleak and lazy and uninspired and sooooo God awfully fat. Unbelievable. INCONCEIVABLE!

My shoulders bouncing up and down and left and right in unison with my apathetic eyebrows and tilted grin should tell you enough.

I like sleep.
And early mornings can go suck on doodling rooster eggs.