Life. It [Continues]

Again, I find it hard to write. I'm gonna get right to it; this was a tough week.
Now, I don't really like writing on family illneses and stuff like that because this is an online blog site and it just feels weird posting stuff out there for anyone to read. But, I have to write something. Not so much because I want to share it with others but more for me so I can look back on this years from now as a trigger to all that happened this week. It won't be easily forgotten.
Like I said, it's not an easy time when someone in the family dies. Anyone can tell you that. Yet, it is especially hard when I have grown up knowing my grandmother and her presence always there, but now all of a sudden...well I only have one grandmother. Definately a strange feeling that I have to adjust to.
The viewing yesterday night was an awkard time mainly because this was the first real time we've gone through something like this with someone so close. I'll admit that I wasn't too sure on how to act exactly and the whole night felt like I was just kinda slowly getting by on thin, chipped ice; trying so carefully not to crack and take a plunge. I kept my composure alright except for the 2 or 3 times where I just couldn't help but fall in to it all. Now, I know it's an acceptable thing. Don't get me wrong. My problem was never being afraid to show emotion. I just can't explain it. Not to sound like a cop out but I dont' know what more to say. It was not easy and probably will never be an easy thing for me. I don't know how to act.

Today I missed school for the actual funeral. Apparently, I missed a lockdown in the classroom while drug sniffing dogs came in to check something out. What a great school. Aside from the stiff and uncomfortable suit I was wearing, the day was a bit easier to manage. We went to the grave site but the lake and said the goodbye. After that, we went out to lunch at La Piazza Ristaurante and had an enjoyable lunch. That's another thing i won't forget. That place has some memories for us, especially with nana. Yup-long ride home it seemed as I sat in the back with some music while the Pacificer played on the DVD player. I did some homework today and went to gymnastics. Watched American Idol. Back to school tomorrow. It's Friday.

Pheewww I may have messed up but I really stayed away from all the "teary" stuff in this blog tonight. (Talk about major lack for detail) I couldn't bring myself to do it though because that was never my intention. As long as I have the memories "built-in" the words, I'm good. I don't feel the need to write all that I'm feeling out.
Sorry

This probably didn't turn out as well as some may have hoped so I'll end here. I know there's gonna be some dissapointment after I look back at this but I'm finding it real hard to mean anything right now.
-To a positive, good rest of the year-
Ry