I've got some complaining to do.
Because if it seems like I've been away for awhile, it's because I have been. And I've been avoiding my site. But it's also for another gut wrenching, stomach clunching, finger snapping, pound my head into the butterscotch cheesecake kind of reason.

And for the sake of vanilla icing...by God here it is...I can't write.

I can't do it.

Youch. This pains me. This equivalent of an erectile dysfunction.
I'm trying and trying for inspiration. Taking travels to the bookstore. Reading over and over the magic words of Stephen King in all his brilliance, returning to the classics, indulging in...How to Read Like A Writer.
This is serious business folks. I'm searching for my inspiration. Awaiting a muse. To pull me up. To pull it up. To get it going. Rocking. Moving. Mounting. I want my stride back again. I should be writing more often and it frustrates me when I can't.

The worst part is, I know it's all in there. But it's just so damn far down and removed from me. Like pent up energy that isn't able to come out. I'm storing it all inside with no vehicle, no means of transportation, nothing to write on, nothing to write about.
Sometimes, when the mood is right and I think I'll be able to do it, I go crazy. I stare at my keyboard..most of the time on my lap as it is now..and I get all sweaty...even though I'm not right now...and I kinda, well, get anxious.
And God knows that is in no ways conducive to proper writing. So I stab a fork in my eye and bury my woes in more butterscotch krimpets and do it. Or at least try to do it. I write. Crunch my toes to the tips of my socks and squeeze the sheets between my fingertips. Pound and pound. Tap Tap Tap. Backspace that. Mistake. Insert that. Ow. That doesn't look right. Is this supposed to go there? Hmm. Well...? And once my eyes open..because I was in that zone, straining on the words...I come to see my agonizingly white page, my white macbook in front of me, and it's kind of like, well...I guess that was all for nothing. I hate shooting blanks.

When....when will I ever write what I'm trying to say?

*deep breath*

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